Blowin in the wind

Yesterday it has been a very special day for my family. A first time kind of day. My youngest doughter went to her first live concert ( Nightwish in Espoo, Finland). She is only 11, but she has loved Nightwish for some years now. My husband and I have been probably more excited than her and kept texting '' Is she happy ?'' all the time they were gone. At home me and the four siblings left had an evening of junk snacks, pizza and movies waiting for daddy and sister to come back and tell the tale.
They came back around 1:30 am, happy and excited, sporting a new t-shirt and booklet.
Before collapsing in bed my husband checked his e-mail and got a glimpse of the news. Came in bed with a puzzled look '' Something very serious is happening in Paris ''.
This morning I got up earlier than everybody else as usual, but instead of crocheting or drawing I switched on my computer ( breaking my own rule of no computer during the day ). I read about Paris. I read about people going to a concert, to a football match ... and I didn't read but KNEW about families left home, partying and waiting eating pizza to hear the exciting evening of their loved ones. My heart skipped few beats thinking that Paris could have been Espoo, or Rome, where the rest of my family lives. And then came the prayers, and the questions. How can a human being do such things ? What will happen now ?... My family started to wake up, we started talking, grieving the death of our fellow human beings, and then went on with our day. And like most of our days with a deep sense of un-ease I witnessed to the fights, lack of patience, lack of compassion, lack of empathy that happen daily in my family. And I felt guilty. And humbled. I am wondering how a human being can commit such atrocities and all of a sudden I realize that so often we treat even those who we love the most in such bad way. I let anger rule, I feed my greed, I don't show enough care or love for my own family. So it came to my mind my french teacher in high school. She never did any strike or demostration. She was teased for this reason. But she kept saying that her way to protest was doing her job and living her life the best she could. At that time I thought that she was too lazy or afraid and I have fattened the group of the teaser. But today I got a grip of the real meaning of her words. Peace comes from every single peaceful action we do in our days. A better world can come out only if we build it a brick at a time. Love can spread only if WE love and spread the love around. Pointing finger to each other, hating each other, let anger rule ... those are the seeds of evil. To honour the death of yesterday's victims I want to live my life better, love more, be more patient, be mindful and caring.

How many roads must a man walk down

Before you call him a man?

Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail

Before she sleeps in the sand?

Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly

Before they're forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,

The answer is blowin' in the wind...

(Bob Dylan) 

Feelings and flowers ...

It's a strange and weird period for me. I have so many mixed feelings everyday and sometime it's quite hard to cope with them. So many horrible things are happening in this world. Anger and violence and carelessness. My growing children ( how long will i dare to call them still children ? ) noticing and asking why and pondering and becoming the grown ups of tomorrow and i'm so afraid for the terrible example we are giving them. I try to pass them a message of peace, of love, of faith and joy, but it gets harder and harder and i feel so lonley in the task. I feel like everywhere anger has become the 'new joy'. Like everybody is looking for the right reason to let it all out ... but where 'all' comes from ? Are my own children growing such a 'all' themselves and one day they will let it out ? And in the middle of these thoughts my own lonliness stabs me with its sharp pain. It has been almost four year since we moved here and I don't have not even a friend. Nobody to talk with. No number in my phone ( beside close family ) to call. I keep telling me that if we've been lead here there must be a reason, but .... if there was a reason not to move here and we simply weren't listening ? What a hard moment. Yesterday as every sunday evening I was listening to my doughter radio program and when it finished my husband started playing italian music. I started to sing along and all of a sudden I remembered of so many nights spent chatting and laughing and singing old songs with friends... and the pain was back ... where is my village ? Where is my tribe ? .... Ah sorry for this rant, but it has been sitting heavily on my heart for a long time now ... but still I try to focus on good, and do good and be good and set a good example for my younger loved ones ... so here I am facing the sun and smiling at it and snapping few shots in the garden, finally showing us that spring is coming. Hopefully spring will come in my heart too...

Nepal

We moved here in Finland 3 years and half ago. After few months my husband found his first job, a painting job in a restaurant in town. He was working with a nepalese man. We got to know him rather well in the few weeks they worked together and his story was really uplifting, knowing that such goodhearted people do exist give big hope for the humanity.
He run a B&B in Nepal and was also a guide. He told us he was rather well off for Nepalese standards so every years in the last 10 years or so he has been spending 2-3 months up in the mountains building schools, and watering systems, and buying supplies and delivering them in the poorest villages.
He was here in Finland to rise money for helping more people. Beside the painting job, he was selling children's drawings and we bought one that is very dear to us. He also had these prayers flags, which i love, but they were all sold. He promised to send us one from Nepal as soon as he could afford the shipping. I couldn't tell him goodbye because I gave birth to James the day before his departure. Months went by and one morning ( one of those bad morning filled of bad moods in which everybody seems to fight with anybody else ) we heard a knock on the door. As we opened there was this finnish guy standing tall on our steps '' Hello, I'm just back from Nepal, Bahdra send you this'' and he handed us two nepalese prayer flag buntings. We couldn't believe it. We were so speechless that we not even invited the guy in. Those flags are hanging in our kitchen here in Finland and in our caravan, to follow us everywhere and remind us about love and friendship.
When yesterday I heard about the terrible earthquake in Nepal I couldn't help but thinking to our friend over there, his family his children. We lost contact with him so there's no way to know how he's doing. The only thing I can do now is sending prayers for him and his people and his beautiful country.