Alive

I really need to write it down, to share it, because it feels so incredibly good that I need to let it out and to give a readable shape to these feelings to remind them in the dark moments that will sure come again ( as it happens to everybody from time to time ). For the first time in many many years I feel alive. Not exactly alive, because it might seem that until now I was numb and depressed all the time, and it not true. I feel like if I found my true self again. Like meeting an old dear beloved friend that you lost any kind of contact with and all of a sudden you meet her again. She aged, she's greying, she's heavier, but it's her, and you're so happy about meeting her that all the changes are not important at all. I'm not really sure how it happened. I started meditating daily and praying daily and most of the time I'm doing both at the same time, Christian meditation that's it. And I tried to just soak in beauty, and to practice mindfulness and to be fully in the moment, whatever moment it might be. And I found myself sitting on the thick carpet of my living room, with a box full of fabric scraps, colorful wooden beads, tiny silver bells and my little one freely ravaging through it all giving me all the freedom to let my mind and soul go and I found myself sewing and arranging and playing and having plain old fun with it all and when i felt it was finished I felt like waking up from a very vivid dream, still a bit dizzy, with a beautiful piece of ... art ... do i dare to call it art ? ... Yes, I can only call it a small, lovely piece of my very own art. My. OWN. art ... So liberating. So invigorating. I read lately, that if God gives you a gift, He will give you the chance to live by that gift.... Maybe ... This is what I'm talking about. Welcome back Flavia, here you are, in your beautiful uniqueness. In your imperfect uniqueness. In your perfect God-made uniqueness. This has been a real Easter for me. I feel I'm born again to a new fullest life.

Finally fine !

After five days of tragedy we're FINALLY FINE !!! Let's get back to saturday, we came back home from the hospital with poor little James still very tired and suffering. Then sunday came and as I was ready to listen my oldest doughter radio program ... I started being terribly sick ( be thankful, I'm sparing you the details ... ) and in middle of the night ... one of the older boys ... and monday morning oldest doughter ... and monday night ... second older boy !!!! Since our only toilet is downstairs all the children slept in the living room, on the sofa, armchairs and floor (!!!) and of course tuesday morning at 9:00 the plumber arrived unannounced ( in Italy when the say in the next days they never mean THE next day lol ). Probably he thought he was in some kind of horror movie ... five sick people, children sleeping everywhere .... he will never ever come again eheheheh.... But today ... Today we woke up fine, and outside the sun was shining, and the temp was +5 and ... we got out, some burgers on the way, some garden planning and shopping at a sale ( two small green houses and a nice decoration ) and once we got back home we had so many things done filled up with new energy and health. Here few pics from today ...

 Jimmy and Milla before getting out

 Seeds check

 Gaia and Jimmy working togeher on a gardening project 

 'Gimme a seed ! '

 Making the hole ...

 'Here your seeds'

 ' I put 'em there '

 Lovely sight !

Leo and Jimmy cuddling

(Leo doesn't want pics of him taken, this is the best he has allowed me to take ... )

Being healthy is such a blessing !!!!!