Feelings and flowers ...

It's a strange and weird period for me. I have so many mixed feelings everyday and sometime it's quite hard to cope with them. So many horrible things are happening in this world. Anger and violence and carelessness. My growing children ( how long will i dare to call them still children ? ) noticing and asking why and pondering and becoming the grown ups of tomorrow and i'm so afraid for the terrible example we are giving them. I try to pass them a message of peace, of love, of faith and joy, but it gets harder and harder and i feel so lonley in the task. I feel like everywhere anger has become the 'new joy'. Like everybody is looking for the right reason to let it all out ... but where 'all' comes from ? Are my own children growing such a 'all' themselves and one day they will let it out ? And in the middle of these thoughts my own lonliness stabs me with its sharp pain. It has been almost four year since we moved here and I don't have not even a friend. Nobody to talk with. No number in my phone ( beside close family ) to call. I keep telling me that if we've been lead here there must be a reason, but .... if there was a reason not to move here and we simply weren't listening ? What a hard moment. Yesterday as every sunday evening I was listening to my doughter radio program and when it finished my husband started playing italian music. I started to sing along and all of a sudden I remembered of so many nights spent chatting and laughing and singing old songs with friends... and the pain was back ... where is my village ? Where is my tribe ? .... Ah sorry for this rant, but it has been sitting heavily on my heart for a long time now ... but still I try to focus on good, and do good and be good and set a good example for my younger loved ones ... so here I am facing the sun and smiling at it and snapping few shots in the garden, finally showing us that spring is coming. Hopefully spring will come in my heart too...

Spring and fairies

Hello world ! Wow it has been a long silence it feels almost strange to be back here on my apple tree posting. Very busy days in a rather demanding family with a lot of work to get ready for summer's markets and events in which hopefully I will sell some of my creations. My creativity has the tendency to roam very wide in very different fields, so I have busied myself with jewelry, mixed media, crocheting, painting\drawing and photography. Little by little I will show here some of my things and maybe I might consider to start selling also online (maybe on Etsy ? I need to check it out, prices and stuff ... ).
So as the title says it seems that spring is slowly showing up here in Finland too. It is still quite cold ( only we reached +9C only after hours in the sun - a cold sun it seems ) but we already have very long days with the sun rising around 6 am and setting past 8 pm so lovely ! I've always been an early bird, but the winter darkness basically switches me off and that is something that I really dislike, but the light of spring\summer !! It's my thing totally, I also welcomed spring with a two weeks detox\cleanse with no gluten, dairies, meat and filled with raw vegetables and fruit and boiled eggs. It's not much far away from the way I usually eat, but in normal 'days' I enjoy some cheese or latte and ocasionally some chicken meat. During my detox I also started every day with meditation and prayers and Bible reading, which usually helps me a lot to go through the day. Well this depends a lot on James, if he wakes up earlier I usually have to give up meditation or Bible reading, but accepting this season of my life I'm sure it's a big step in the direction of mindfulness and awareness and acceptance of the will of God.
Anyways, as I said today we had some sun, so with the precious help of two of my children I went outside to take some pictures. Well .... you won't believe what I found ! ...our garden was filled with fairies ....
(spoiler alert : it's part of a nice little project I'm carrying on ... ) so .... welcome in my garden  !

... As I was getting ready to shot some pics of the wild crocuses I realized that little friends had gathered around the flowers as well. I'm sure the fairies have missed flowers and sun as much as I did during the winter. I wonder where do they hide in the dark and cold months ...

 ... And look ! I'm not the only one who is excited about rhubarb season .... this little one is probably rhubarb fairy !!

Hopefully you're life have been filled with sun and joy and a little kind of magic as well.
Have a great week !

Alive

I really need to write it down, to share it, because it feels so incredibly good that I need to let it out and to give a readable shape to these feelings to remind them in the dark moments that will sure come again ( as it happens to everybody from time to time ). For the first time in many many years I feel alive. Not exactly alive, because it might seem that until now I was numb and depressed all the time, and it not true. I feel like if I found my true self again. Like meeting an old dear beloved friend that you lost any kind of contact with and all of a sudden you meet her again. She aged, she's greying, she's heavier, but it's her, and you're so happy about meeting her that all the changes are not important at all. I'm not really sure how it happened. I started meditating daily and praying daily and most of the time I'm doing both at the same time, Christian meditation that's it. And I tried to just soak in beauty, and to practice mindfulness and to be fully in the moment, whatever moment it might be. And I found myself sitting on the thick carpet of my living room, with a box full of fabric scraps, colorful wooden beads, tiny silver bells and my little one freely ravaging through it all giving me all the freedom to let my mind and soul go and I found myself sewing and arranging and playing and having plain old fun with it all and when i felt it was finished I felt like waking up from a very vivid dream, still a bit dizzy, with a beautiful piece of ... art ... do i dare to call it art ? ... Yes, I can only call it a small, lovely piece of my very own art. My. OWN. art ... So liberating. So invigorating. I read lately, that if God gives you a gift, He will give you the chance to live by that gift.... Maybe ... This is what I'm talking about. Welcome back Flavia, here you are, in your beautiful uniqueness. In your imperfect uniqueness. In your perfect God-made uniqueness. This has been a real Easter for me. I feel I'm born again to a new fullest life.