Not only a word

I've been silent for a few days, but for a very good reason : for the first time in almost four years we had guests from Italy. Truth to be told my mother usually comes once a year, but beside her we never had the pleasure to have relatives here. So when one of my brothers in law told us that him and his wife were coming here to visit us, well excitement and joy grew and grew until last friday when they arrived. It has been a short but joyful and emotional time together (they left yesterday's very early morning ). Something very new for all of us and especially important for my children, our rather lonely situation here put a very heavy toll on them and feeling loved and cherished from someone else other than me was very needed indeed. I come from a very small family, only child of a single mother. I know loneliness very well, I know the feeling of craving for attentions very well, and knowing that my children experience the same feeling is rather heartbreaking. I know, they're five and we try to be very close to each other, but as they say 'you need a village to grow a child' and we always missed our tribe. The few days spent together gave us a glimpse of what it looks like not being alone, and it is beautiful. All of us feared the farewell, but incredibly we don't feel really sad, the love and joy we shared filled us and knowing that FAMILY it's not only a word gave us strenght.

 

 Dear friends, now please, go and hug your spouse, your children or grab the phone and give your old folks a call.

 Family it's not just a word.

Feelings and flowers ...

It's a strange and weird period for me. I have so many mixed feelings everyday and sometime it's quite hard to cope with them. So many horrible things are happening in this world. Anger and violence and carelessness. My growing children ( how long will i dare to call them still children ? ) noticing and asking why and pondering and becoming the grown ups of tomorrow and i'm so afraid for the terrible example we are giving them. I try to pass them a message of peace, of love, of faith and joy, but it gets harder and harder and i feel so lonley in the task. I feel like everywhere anger has become the 'new joy'. Like everybody is looking for the right reason to let it all out ... but where 'all' comes from ? Are my own children growing such a 'all' themselves and one day they will let it out ? And in the middle of these thoughts my own lonliness stabs me with its sharp pain. It has been almost four year since we moved here and I don't have not even a friend. Nobody to talk with. No number in my phone ( beside close family ) to call. I keep telling me that if we've been lead here there must be a reason, but .... if there was a reason not to move here and we simply weren't listening ? What a hard moment. Yesterday as every sunday evening I was listening to my doughter radio program and when it finished my husband started playing italian music. I started to sing along and all of a sudden I remembered of so many nights spent chatting and laughing and singing old songs with friends... and the pain was back ... where is my village ? Where is my tribe ? .... Ah sorry for this rant, but it has been sitting heavily on my heart for a long time now ... but still I try to focus on good, and do good and be good and set a good example for my younger loved ones ... so here I am facing the sun and smiling at it and snapping few shots in the garden, finally showing us that spring is coming. Hopefully spring will come in my heart too...

Spring and fairies

Hello world ! Wow it has been a long silence it feels almost strange to be back here on my apple tree posting. Very busy days in a rather demanding family with a lot of work to get ready for summer's markets and events in which hopefully I will sell some of my creations. My creativity has the tendency to roam very wide in very different fields, so I have busied myself with jewelry, mixed media, crocheting, painting\drawing and photography. Little by little I will show here some of my things and maybe I might consider to start selling also online (maybe on Etsy ? I need to check it out, prices and stuff ... ).
So as the title says it seems that spring is slowly showing up here in Finland too. It is still quite cold ( only we reached +9C only after hours in the sun - a cold sun it seems ) but we already have very long days with the sun rising around 6 am and setting past 8 pm so lovely ! I've always been an early bird, but the winter darkness basically switches me off and that is something that I really dislike, but the light of spring\summer !! It's my thing totally, I also welcomed spring with a two weeks detox\cleanse with no gluten, dairies, meat and filled with raw vegetables and fruit and boiled eggs. It's not much far away from the way I usually eat, but in normal 'days' I enjoy some cheese or latte and ocasionally some chicken meat. During my detox I also started every day with meditation and prayers and Bible reading, which usually helps me a lot to go through the day. Well this depends a lot on James, if he wakes up earlier I usually have to give up meditation or Bible reading, but accepting this season of my life I'm sure it's a big step in the direction of mindfulness and awareness and acceptance of the will of God.
Anyways, as I said today we had some sun, so with the precious help of two of my children I went outside to take some pictures. Well .... you won't believe what I found ! ...our garden was filled with fairies ....
(spoiler alert : it's part of a nice little project I'm carrying on ... ) so .... welcome in my garden  !

... As I was getting ready to shot some pics of the wild crocuses I realized that little friends had gathered around the flowers as well. I'm sure the fairies have missed flowers and sun as much as I did during the winter. I wonder where do they hide in the dark and cold months ...

 ... And look ! I'm not the only one who is excited about rhubarb season .... this little one is probably rhubarb fairy !!

Hopefully you're life have been filled with sun and joy and a little kind of magic as well.
Have a great week !

Alive

I really need to write it down, to share it, because it feels so incredibly good that I need to let it out and to give a readable shape to these feelings to remind them in the dark moments that will sure come again ( as it happens to everybody from time to time ). For the first time in many many years I feel alive. Not exactly alive, because it might seem that until now I was numb and depressed all the time, and it not true. I feel like if I found my true self again. Like meeting an old dear beloved friend that you lost any kind of contact with and all of a sudden you meet her again. She aged, she's greying, she's heavier, but it's her, and you're so happy about meeting her that all the changes are not important at all. I'm not really sure how it happened. I started meditating daily and praying daily and most of the time I'm doing both at the same time, Christian meditation that's it. And I tried to just soak in beauty, and to practice mindfulness and to be fully in the moment, whatever moment it might be. And I found myself sitting on the thick carpet of my living room, with a box full of fabric scraps, colorful wooden beads, tiny silver bells and my little one freely ravaging through it all giving me all the freedom to let my mind and soul go and I found myself sewing and arranging and playing and having plain old fun with it all and when i felt it was finished I felt like waking up from a very vivid dream, still a bit dizzy, with a beautiful piece of ... art ... do i dare to call it art ? ... Yes, I can only call it a small, lovely piece of my very own art. My. OWN. art ... So liberating. So invigorating. I read lately, that if God gives you a gift, He will give you the chance to live by that gift.... Maybe ... This is what I'm talking about. Welcome back Flavia, here you are, in your beautiful uniqueness. In your imperfect uniqueness. In your perfect God-made uniqueness. This has been a real Easter for me. I feel I'm born again to a new fullest life.

Revontuli : Northern Lights

Tonight something magical and blessed and wonderful happened. We saw for the very first time Northern Lights. Incredible since we're in the south of Finland, 800km south from the artic circle. I've been dreaming to see northern lights for ages, and tonight finally happened. I'm so thankful for the great gift of seeing such a beauty. We should focus on the beauty, there's plenty.

Words can't describe the feeling. I am small, way small, but oh so blessed by the beauty that surrounds me.

Chocolate boy

This little boy of mine seriously stole my heart. He is a funny little boy, altruistic, joyful, helpful and yet stubborn and indipendent. It has been quite fun for me to witness his growth and think to some of the comment I got for my parenting ways. Co-sleeping, breastfeeding ( 2 years and 7 months now ), carring him in slings and carriers for around one year ( then HE decided it was time to walk ) had to lead this little boy to be selfish, despot and forever dependent on me for whatever need or whim. To my delight this little one is always eager to help ( mom wait, I come and help - it's usual wording in every circumstance of daily life, from cooking, to laundry, to cleaning ... ), to share, to hug and kiss and play, and to do by himself. At 2 and half he can use a knife ( a real one, not very sharp but just a regular IKEA knife ), scissors and teeth brush and get himself a sendwich with chocolate spread or butter. Definetly I'm happy I followed my heart once again, more deeply and more freely than with my other four older children; this allowed us freedom, joy, peace and of course didn't hurt the personality of the chocolate boy :)

Let the sunshine in

'Let the sunshine in' has been 'my quote' for many years on the web, way before I was aware of blogs, way before facebook was even invented. I stole it from my favourite musical 'Hair'. I love the musical and the song is incredible, but I think that my love for the quote reside in the fact that this older lady in my childhood used to call me Sunshine, Raggio di sole. I used to love her so, and now I realize how much she loved me. I think not even my husband in 23 years together ever called me in such loving way, not even my own mother. I think she could see beyond me and understand how bound to the natural world I am, and how important the light and sun is for me. I am litterally drawn to the light. I can spend hours just looking the sky trying to record all the colours and shadows that the light creates. But back to the point. Yesterday and tonight we had heavy snowfalls, but this morning the sky was blue and the sun was shining and the temperature incredibly rised above 0 ( we reached +4 in the sun ). So the ice and the snow started melting from the trees and bushes and the sunlight, which is still quite low on the horizon in this month, was hitting the drops directly. Well I had to take the camera and go outside to capture some of that beauty. It has been breathtaking. Outside the sound of the drops falling in the snow and the birds singing were the only sounds, along with the click of my camera. The wonders of the north. I thank God for such gifts. Here some pics I took in those magical moments.

... Let the sunshine in...

Baking with Jimmy

Today we woke up in the snow wonderland. It has been snowing all night, with strong wind. So after lunch we all headed out for some outdoor fun. Jimmy enjoy a lot to be pulled in Seba's Stiga sledge and it's always a problem to bring him back home ( or I should say drag him back home). So Milla and I started walking back and forth in our street pulling him. The first time we passed in front of the house he declared ' Not inside mom, lt's walk for a little while more '. So we walked back and forth two more times. At the third he called me ' Mom, let's go back home for a while now .. I'm frozen ' eheheh so veeeery sweet.
But of course inside we went, and to warm up I thought that it could be a good idea baking something. As usual James is eager to help me...

 Woderful, the world covered in a soft blanket

He is such clever and sweet helper, learning everyday something new, but mostly learning the meaning of being a family : togetherness.

So after a couple of hours we had several goodies ...

Shortbread cookies (before and after cooking )

And two loaves of bread, one of normal shape one braided ( my first attempt, it turned out well in my opinion )

This time I cooked the bread at a lower temperature for longer time (180C for 50 minutes ) and the result was a super soft bread with a delicate crispy crust .

Delicious !

Have a nice week !!!

Finished !!!

Just a very quick update, it's very late, but I'm so happy about my new finished project that I really want to share it :) ...

As I was working on this little project of mine I couldn't help but stopping from crocheting every now and then and admire the colours and the pattern that was freely flowing out of my fingers. I treated the yarn as I treat my watercolours, I chose them one after the other as they pleased my eyes and played with them, creating an appealing pattern ... which I wouldn't be able to repeat since it was just a spontaneous occurance.

But what was the purpose for this ? ...

Can you get the hint ?

Here it is !!!!

And I LOVE IT !!

My little black travel journal was in need of an upgrading heheheh ... I grew tired of its black and plain look and now it's fabolous don't you think ? 

p.s. If there's anybody out there, might you be so kind to drop me a line here ? The blog is rather new and I'd love to have some feedback about it :)

Thank you,

mamaF

First !!!

So here we are on year 2015. Many exciting things are going to happen. My oldest doughter will turn 15 in three short months. 15 !!! Where did the time fly ? My twin boys will be 13 in june, my youngest doughter will be 11 in less then 2 months and my little boy will turn three in june. In 18 days i will turn 39. All of us are about to start a new season in their life and I'm quite curious to find out what future holds for us.
Here some memories from yesterday and today.

I don't know why blogger keep turning this pic, but well, this was my last 2014 lunch, Gaia cooked it for me. She is so sweet and kind with me, I'm not sure I always deserve it ! It was delicious !

  

Me and Jimmy yesterday evening, Do you see my apron ? I was making pizza, as we always have pizza on New year's Eve

Traditional Italian meal of 1st of january, pork meat and lentils .

In general I follow a vegetarian diet but on special days or if someone is cooking for me I eat what I've been offered

Hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmellows (?sp) and Christmas sweet as last holiday treat ( again my doughter made it for both of us, I know I'm a lucky gal :) )

2015 here I am, ready to live you at the fullest !!!!

Winter & Wool

This morning we woke up at -18. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the frozen snow was glittering and so was the whole world. When it's so cold the air itself freezes and you can see these tiny crystals floating in the air. Birches' fronds covered in frost looked like delicate lace. As a nature lover my heart is full of amazement for the stunning beauty of nature in the very different season we enjoy during the year.
The colder climate inspired me for a new knitted hat and a pair of crocheted fingerless gloves. The knitting always takes longer ( I only learned to knit when I was 30 years old ) but I crocheted the gloves in less than two days. Unfortunately I don't have a pattern to share as I invented either the hat and the gloves while working ( and of course didn't write it ...).

:)

Christmas days

Christmas Eve was a very relaxed day. After dinner as we always do we watched 'Nativity' and talked about the birth of Jesus. After the baby was sleeping and the older children were upstairs me and papaF did some final wrapping and went to bed. Before going to sleep we noticed it was snowing again. We woke up on Christmas day in a fluffy and white world, with a blue sky and beautiful sun and -14 degrees. PERFECT.
After enjoyng surprise on James face and the unwrapping of the presents, we relaxed with a movie and then, while lasagne were cooking we wend out of the door with James to enjoy the beautiful day. We pulled him around in Seba's stiga but after a while he asked us to go back inside because it was so cold. The day passed beetween movies, chatting, playing with the little one and a lot of knitting for me ( I was in need of a new woolen hat and now I have it ! ). A light(er) dinner and another movie after to finish the wonderful day.
This morning it has been snowing again for a while but today we spent the day inside. A lazy morning watching 'The desolation of Smaug' a quick pizza lunch and the afternoon spent chatting with Gaia and trying to figure out what to knit now ( still no idea about that ). Homemade Tacos dinner and Lord of the Rings read aloud while nursing Jimmy to sleep. A very peaceful Christmas indeed.

So this is Christmas,

for once a lovely one,

 ok not for once really,

but indeed a lovely and peaceful one.