Alive

I really need to write it down, to share it, because it feels so incredibly good that I need to let it out and to give a readable shape to these feelings to remind them in the dark moments that will sure come again ( as it happens to everybody from time to time ). For the first time in many many years I feel alive. Not exactly alive, because it might seem that until now I was numb and depressed all the time, and it not true. I feel like if I found my true self again. Like meeting an old dear beloved friend that you lost any kind of contact with and all of a sudden you meet her again. She aged, she's greying, she's heavier, but it's her, and you're so happy about meeting her that all the changes are not important at all. I'm not really sure how it happened. I started meditating daily and praying daily and most of the time I'm doing both at the same time, Christian meditation that's it. And I tried to just soak in beauty, and to practice mindfulness and to be fully in the moment, whatever moment it might be. And I found myself sitting on the thick carpet of my living room, with a box full of fabric scraps, colorful wooden beads, tiny silver bells and my little one freely ravaging through it all giving me all the freedom to let my mind and soul go and I found myself sewing and arranging and playing and having plain old fun with it all and when i felt it was finished I felt like waking up from a very vivid dream, still a bit dizzy, with a beautiful piece of ... art ... do i dare to call it art ? ... Yes, I can only call it a small, lovely piece of my very own art. My. OWN. art ... So liberating. So invigorating. I read lately, that if God gives you a gift, He will give you the chance to live by that gift.... Maybe ... This is what I'm talking about. Welcome back Flavia, here you are, in your beautiful uniqueness. In your imperfect uniqueness. In your perfect God-made uniqueness. This has been a real Easter for me. I feel I'm born again to a new fullest life.